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Down 3 More Pounds

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts” - Winston Churchill

Hi everyone, here I am again, writing to you about my transformation from a huge happy panda into a shriveling grumpy frog.

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“FAT IS A MINK COAT”

I heard this from a psychologist I once visited. She told me that fat people wrap themselves in fat because it makes them feel warm and secure. Well, let me tell you something, I still have the fat to keep me secure, but I no longer feel warm. Have you ever felt this way while on a diet or after changing your eating habits or whatever you want to call it these days, that time just seems to be dragging on more slowly than ever?
I am only about to begin my third week into the diet BUT it seems as if it has been ages.

I already want to see the end result, to look into the future and see a smaller version of myself. How much longer until they call me to walk in the Victoria Secret Show? I don't have the patience to wait. I think this is why people tend to choose all of the detoxing, fasting, juicing and such. They’re just looking for a quick way to lose a couple pounds because the sooner its over the sooner they can go back to the way it was before. When they didn't need to count . But I've been there, I've done that, and it didn't change shit. And that’s why I have found myself taking this approach.

But even though I know that I am doing it right this time, why don't I feel better about myself?

Its not even that I’m hungry because I’m not. It’s more so the idea of not being allowed to do something, that makes it all the more attempting. Listen, the options Karin gave me are endless and I am eating deliciousness meals 5 times a day, that I actually like and feel good and satisfied after eating them, I am a great cook and I can create the most delicious healthy meals on the planet.

It is just that damn “tempting voice of hunger” whispering in my ear, “Michelle we know you love your healthy food but do you know what you love more…. The breads and the carbs and the sweets and the fat”

But it’s not true. What I love most is myself. The only thing that can really justify this temporary feeling of sadness is that I am an addict, a sugar addict. And just like I’d imagine it to be with drugs or alcohol or anything else it’s freaking hard to get off all that crap, even when you know it’s destroying you. You don't realize the power it has over you until you give it up.

I lost only 3 pounds

This is also where a lot of the frustration came from. I started last week with a bang, losing a whole 9 pounds in a week, and I here I am 7 whole days later with a measly 3 pounds under my belt. What happend?

I am devastated, I wanted it to be 10 or 15 or even the whole 100 pounds lighter, but I guess after a week that’s not how it works, unless of course you’re a Kardashian. I just have to remind myself that..

“THERE IS NO DIET THAT WILL DO WHAT EATING HEALTHY DOES.
SKIP THE DIET JUST EAT HEALTHY”

Well, It is not the first time I am trying to lose the weight. So, I know from past experiences that in the first week I always lose the most. But I haven’t eaten anything I shouldn’t, I kept the diet and I kept it right. So it would be nice to just continue losing nine pounds each week (i know, a girl can dream).

However, I did have one binge, late at night after I came back from dinner at my friend’s house, where I hardly ate anything. I was paranoid that all eyes were staring at my plate, and I don't think they were looking to find world peace on there, or maybe they weren’t even looking at all, either way it led me to a ravenous hunger.

So, I came home and went crazy on my empty pantry, demolishing handfuls of shaved almonds and eating two big apples. But then I thought to myself almonds and apples? Yes, I ate them in way too large quantities, but a Michelle Eskinazi binge has never, and I a mean NEVER consisted of apples or almonds unless they were hidden deeply under a pie crust. So it wasn’t the best thing I’ll admit, but I am on the right track.
I am here to win, I don’t play games and 3 pounds is still losing weight
87 pounds to go, here I come!

Till the next time,
Michelle

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